![]() “Do you really think begging is going to work?” asks Ghost Caleb. In the corner of my mind, I see him, watching me in the shadows. She asks me my name as though her kindness and gentleness will move me to speak. Instead, it beats harder and faster in my chest and I gasp for breath. Sometimes I hold my breath, just to see if it will stop. They wind from my chest to monitor the beating of my heart. They extend from my hand, where I receive my liquids and my drugs. One to watch my heart, another my breathing, one to keep me numb. There’s someone to tug on my various cables. Following along with my own Morse code: Don’t think about him. I’ve been transfixed by its Morse code for the last hour. One of the bulbs is threatening to go out and it flickers, buzzes, and struggles to stay alive. Alive.Ībove me, there are sterile and industrial fluorescent lights. Hollow and yet, in excruciating pain – still alive. Slowly, my organs, wet and sticky, are pulled out of me one at a time. I can hear the crack as my ribs are flayed open. As though someone has cut me open with a scalpel, the pain not sinking in until the flesh begins to separate and my blood bubbles out. It’s the only word I can think of to describe how I’m feeling – vivisected. ![]() Once you leave this behind…you’ll see that.” – Caleb ![]() Because I’ve broken you down and built you back up to believe it. “I’ve been doing this a long time – manipulating people to get my way. ![]()
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